I have noticed that I am not the same person that I was before the surgery. I have been in the confines of my apartment for 2 months. I don’t want to leave it.
I feel safe in the apartment. The minute I have to get dressed and cross the threshold into the outside world I get scared. I only plan to be out for an hour at most. I get so scared that the pain is going to hit me when I am out and I wont know what to do or how to cope.
My body controls my life now. I know that is wrong but that is what my life has become. I am so lost in this new part or phase of my life. I don’t know how to cope.
I managed to go to the supermarket today. I ended up pulling a muscle. So I sit here crying my heart out because I just cant win.
I don’t want to leave the house anymore. Not unless I absolutely have to.