Poem

I wrote this while despondent from severe pain and spasms.  I welcome feedback.

 

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Frustration

Frustration abounds with me today. I am in a giant amount of pain, more than I have been in a while.  It started during my first meal, soup and a sandwich. Maybe it was something in the soup that set it off. I don’t know.

I have been using heat all afternoon. I have been using pain meds to no avail. I may need to go to the ER. However, I cannot sit longer than 15 minutes. So it really is no use. Besides, with wait times like this, it just doesn’t pay.

I had hoped to get some reading happening today. Or even some research. It isn‘t likely either will happen. Pain is so bad I need to stay in bed on the heat. Dinner time should prove an interesting experiment. I hope and pray the pain fucks off and lets me eat. I really do

Fear of Chemo

Health Care Is Bad For My Health

I live in a country where health care is, essentially, free.  We don’t pay for anything.  And the quality stinks.  At least, where I am, it’s deplorable.  I’m a walking example, especially with what I’m dealing with now.

I’ve been doing research into my specific cancer.  What I am finding has angered me through and through.  I now firmly believe that this cancer was preventable, had my medical “team” given a fucking shit.

One of the signs of endometriod adenocarcinoma (my cancer) is an enlarged uterus.  I have been told that I have a bulky uterus on at least two separate occasions, by my family doctor.  He has never ordered follow up tests.  I’m sure that my gynecologist has told me about the bulky uterus as well, although I have no recollection of it.  She didn’t order up any tests either, in reference to this.  It should have been followed up on because I have dealt with it for a number of years now.

Abnormal vaginal bleeding (read: weird periods) is another sign of cancer.  I had a D&C about 3.5 years ago and nothing abnormal showed.  I call bullshit on this.  They didn’t look properly.  Cancer like what they found doesn’t grow overnight.  The tumour they removed from me was slightly smaller than a mandarin orange.  This is what a mandarin orange looks like:

mandarin orange

Now use your imagination.  Tumours don’t grow like that in three years.  My tumour is not aggressive.  To get to that size, it had to be there for five years or longer.

I’ve been going to that gynecologist for over ten years.  She was looking for something to suppress my bleeding.  She couldn’t figure out why I had so many problems with odd bleeding.  She didn’t look, that’s why.  I had laparoscopic surgery where adenomyosis and a spot of endometriosis was found.  That was our first appointment together, six weeks after the surgery when she read me the results.  After my hysterectomy, they discovered that my cervix had EXTENSIVE ENDOMETRIOSIS.  I had other issues on that report that all point to the reasons why I was having so many issues with my periods.  Yet no one looked to see if they were there.  Why?

You have no idea how let down I feel.  How angry I am.  How lost I am.  I am going through Hell now and am trying to find enough information to make an informed decision so that my life can continue.  In the meantime I am still experiencing incredible pains.  All this because my GP and my gynecologist couldn’t give enough of a shit about me to do the proper tests.

This is health care where I live.  This isn’t the first time that I have gone through something like this.  Yet this is the first time where I have had something this serious that could easily have been prevented.

This is free health care.  You sure you want it?  I don’t.  I would rather live in a country that has EXCELLENT health care, than have free health care, ANY DAY.

Here We Go Again

I swore I never wanted to hear the words “You have cancer” again.  I was 37 when I heard it the first time.  I’m 43 and today I have heard it for the second time.

I had been having issues with my stomach for many months and had lost both a boat load of weight and my appetite.  After a third visit to the ER, the doctor finally sent me for an ultrasound.  They found something on the ultrasound.  And my nightmare began.

They saw that it was a 14 cm mass in my pelvic area.  They suspected cancer.  I was referred to a gynecologist oncologist.  She recommended a full hysterectomy.  There went my dream of becoming a mother naturally.  I have two adopted children but have never carried a child.  Now I never will.

I had the surgery on 17 February.  I’ve been having side effects and complications ever since.  They have found nothing clinical to indicate why I’m having all these issues.  I think they just think I’m whiny.

Five years ago I had a blog called Musings of a Cancer Patient on a site that has now been shut down.  Today I was given my second diagnosis of cancer, therefore I have rebooted this blog.  Welcome to Musings of a Cancer Patient 2.0.  Here you will follow me on my journey to wellness, along with my musings on life with and without cancer.  Thank you for following my blog.  I’ll talk to you again soon.